theworsthorse.net: horsefeed

As we reported last week, “New York” welcomed “Buddha” back onto her show. And, as ever, there were tons of crazy Buddha-related soundbites, each one nearly more inappropriate than the next (at least when out of context).

* After hearing that Buddha was returning and getting the “I Love New York” faux-platinum chain that all the show’s competitor-dudes wear, resident snitch “Tailor Made” commented, “The last thing I want to do is give Buddha the satisfaction of looking him in the eye.”

* But New York’s mother (who is as ever-present as she is negative) commented, “Buddha is a beautiful person. But he has a dark side.”

…Later, after a private date with him, New York reflected, “Buddha’s the man. Buddha has it goin’ on!”

And, last but not least:

“Buddha’s kisses are tender, soft, warm…. what I want to be feelin’ on my lips — and other places as well.”

Stay classy, New York!

A post that we made a few days ago told you about the existence — and also the curse- and typo-laden marketing — of a strain of “legal weed” called “Big Buddha Bud.”

Since then we’ve done a little research on it. (No, not that kind of research.)

We went to the site that’s selling it. Up on the top of each page, customers’ testimonials appear, sharing about their wonderful experiences with BBB. We include a couple of the most particularly Burger-licious ones here.

You KNOW you’ve got an advertising trend when even the biggest names get in the game.

See our article, here, for a little bit more on this kind of thang.

Just spent way, WAY too much time using ColbertNation.com’s “Religionizer,” which helps lost souls like you and me find their faith through a random-joke-generating algorithm.

And yes: pretty much nobody’s safe.

Visit the Religionizer here.

Sometimes, you catch a break.

The show’s resident snitch, known as “Tailor-Made,” delivered a couple such quotations in the show’s closing moments. Such as:

“Basically, Buddha did everything he could to defame my character.”

…and, said while actually wearing a t-shirt with a gold Buddha (the real kind) on it:

“The thought of Buddha being on a date with New York just makes me sick.”

Ah, cognitive dissonance. It’s a wonderful thing.

So welcome back, Buddha!

The Horse has talked a few times about how often pot-culture makes reference to “Buddha” as a name for pot itself. Recently a MySpace “friend” posted this ad on the Horse’s MySpace page.

It’s an ad for “Big Buddha Bud.” The copy recounts a very true-to-life conversation between dear friends. Ahem:

My buddy Mark stopped hanging out with me because he has to do a piss test every week. Just last week, though, I see him sparking up. I’m like “Dude are you smoking bud again???” and he is all “Yeah! I bought ONE POUND of legal bud at [website] and I don’t need to worry, this shit doesn’t come up in piss tests and it’s some potent shit!”

Then, our unnamed narrator replies to his good friend Mark, “One pound??? Holy fuck dude you can sell this shit!!!” After seeing how good this bud was I decided to go to [website] myself and bought 8 ounces of Big Buddha Bud. I figured I might as well smoke this and be a local retailer in the neighborhood too.”

Um, what’s that advice that the Buddha gave about picking your friends? Oh yeah: choose ones who will be good Dharma-friends, who will help you uphold what you’re trying to do in your practice. He even said that a poor choice of friend might be “a ready companion to frequent the streets at ungodly hours.” And that’s not even talking about the use of intoxicants!

Not that so many of us are perfect, but old Mark and our unnamed narrator ain’t even tryin’.

As for the MySpace friend who posted this, thanks. Unfortunately, I don’t think it was sent as a Dharma-Burger submission. It was actually one of several junk postings that she had posted in a row.

So I hope she doesn’t mind that she’s since been …ahem… DE-friended.

Thanks to reader Sarah F, who sent the book cover seen here. She writes:

oh, the things you find on the Internet…remember those “Choose your Own Adventure” stories as kid? well, apparently there is one on Buddhism that just didn’t make the cut (check out the image).

especially intriguing is the part about the helicopter!

(The cover is, of course, a parody. It’s from the site somethingawful.com. Couldn’t find the exact source on the site, but the site itself is here.)

Thanks, Sarah!

Thanks, everyone!